This past Tuesday, my wife came home from a hard days work in an odd mood. One I wasn't used to seeing. If I used one word to describe it, I'd use "dismissive". She wasn't in a bad mood, she gave a compliment on the house work I had done but didn't seem all that interested in me. I guess you could say I was feeling needy, but it's a strange experience cleaning someones closet space around 5pm and thinking "what if something happen to her and that's why I haven't heard back all day". That may seem like an odd thought to have but I have really bad anxiety issues. No, I'm not a head case, but I do probably worry too much.
She had a stressful, long day at work. She was so busy, that she couldn't find a second to return a text message or make/receive a call the entire day. She leaves for work very early and returns around dinner time. It's a long day for her and for myself, it's difficult not having any adult contact or conversations all day long. I look forward to her return. On this day, more so, since I hadn't been able to have any contact until then.
Her dismissive attitude (from my perception), rubbed me the wrong way. She seemed like she just wanted to be left alone. To be given time to relax. "What... what do you want"? Was something she had said a few times. I expressed my displeasure with no hearing from her all day and it was met with basically a shrug of her shoulders and a "too bad" facial expression. So I began to return the attitude back. "So then just go to sleep", was one thing I said. She clearly didn't like that, not at all. This type of spat while I wouldn't call it regular but it happens often enough. She usually a bit more ruthless then I am and I just try to save face, return fire but avoid crossing the same lines she's willing to disregard.
It was at this point, she corrected me. You see, we started this "wife led marriage" sexually. At least in my head. The reality of the complete dynamic change in our marriage hadn't clicked for me. When my "go to bed", was returned with "now we'll see the next time you get to cum will be", my eyes grew wide. What was a game to me, just became real. Now I wasn't having second thoughts at all. It honestly was music to my ears. This wasn't a game we were going to play. She had decided on her own, which I learned later in the night, months ago, that this is what our marriage needed.
What took place after and throughout the night and into the morning hours was so intense. The best sexual experience of my life? Yes, I'd call it that. I've heard of something called "subspace" before, this may have been my first time experiencing this. I will wrap this up here, sparring the play by play since this was a lot longer then I intended when I sat down to write about it. Hopefully my wife finds some time this week to write about it from her perspective.
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your being a little worried. I can be a worrier too LOL.
Perhaps next time you know she has such a long hard day that she cannot find a second to text you then you could try pampering her a little at night rather than react how you did.
Draw her a nice hot bubble bath, bring her a glass of wine, sit at her feet and give her a foot rub....and I bet her dismissive attitude soon turns to that of a pampered Mistress.
It is good she is realizing her power over you and that you are seeing it isn't just in the bedroom. I can imagine how you felt as this reality really set in, that just you having a little spat or attitude when you probably felt you were justified is going to be used against you.
You will find that the longer she makes you go without cumming, the more doctile and submissive you will be. That is the case with almost all submissive men...in my case with Jay I can honestly say he is just as eager all the time regardless if he is horny or has cum, but then again, he is much more hardcore than the average, so while I am spoiled by that I do know that for the majority, how submissive you can be is somehow connected to your cock and her control over it.
Miss Christina,
DeleteTY for the advice. This whole week, I've been trying to cater to her needs every opportunity that I get. I can probably try harder. The one thing I am taking out of our first real week under this new dynamic is what an asshole I have been in the past. It doesn't take much effort to make her feel special and prior to this point, sadly, I rarely was making that miniscule effort for her. She deserves to be treated like a goddess and that is what she will get from me.
This week I discovered a lot of things. The biggest is looking back at myself and coming to the conclusion that I wasn't expressing my love or appreciation for her correctly. When you start doing things the right way, it highlights all the times in the past you did it the wrong way.
It's been a week of a lot of apologies. For mistakes I've made this week but mostly for things in the past. I feel like she's forgiving me and I'm looking forward to building on this foundation.
i wholeheartedly agree with Miss Christina...when my wife J has a tough day, i have come to realize that it is a great opportunity to really express my submission and adoration of Her. Those are the days i feel i truly shine, with bubble baths, long and glorious foot rubs, cooking, cleaning and more service that makes me feel like i am truly adoring Her, not just living out a cookie cutter fantasy.
Deletei hope you continue on your journey of self-discovery...its an amazing path to walk, and incredibly rewarding as you figure out how to be a truly submissive husband who caters to Her needs, Her whims, Her fantasies and Her happiness.
I'm a BIG supporter of blogging the day of an event so the facts aren't skewed..
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, We discussed the non-texting WHILE I was driving home from work and I apologized for worrying you. By the time I was half-way home we were having a pleasant conversation - especially about how much I wanted you and how I enjoyed the fact that it had been 2 days since you had last had an orgasm. Refer to my blog Day 4 -Lesson #4.
And here is an excerpt from something you wrote that evening as a comment to me.. "Our sex late this afternoon was amazing. When you came home, I was so into you. I really enjoyed pleasuring you with the dildo and my hands. Even though it wasn't me inside you, I held you as if it was. I didn't mind not being able to cum when you rode me. I took intense pleasure from your pleasure. It brings me joy to have you come home to a clean house and a orgasm. Making me suck the dildo before using it on you was intense. I enjoy your sadistic smile when you know you are pushing my buttons."
This 'dimissiveness' that you speak of was never mentioned.. also, later that evening we had an amazing encounter that involved me squirting onto your hands.. but I'll write about that tomorrow =)
I love you. BTW I really enjoy the photo you included in this blog..
I apologize for leaving out details in this instance. Your dismissive attitude, as I noted "(from my perception)" may not have been your intention but merely my interpretation.
DeleteAfter you emerged out of the bedroom, I finished cooking dinner, we ate and then you got absorbed into your own activities while I cleaned up, took care of our son and got him ready for bed. After you came from his bedroom later in the night, you were a bit cranky and I was still looking for quality time and attention.
The point behind this post was to express my surprise when our "wife led marriage" first showed up in something that had nothing to do with sex. Up to this point, it's been pretty much a 50/50 style relationship (okay maybe more like 60/40) and both of us being stubborn, there was rarely any give there. This was the night it hit me. That this is a lot more then a sexual game. The dynamics of our marriage have changed, at least until you decide to change them again.
Thank you for correcting me here. As for the photo, I choose photos that I believe you will particularly enjoy.
Mr. LW,
ReplyDeleteI feel immense pleasure when my wife exerts her authority over me. I do not know why. Not only it is an overt validation of me being submissive by her, but also there is something about feeling the authority of a women over me that causes me pleasure. I believe this is what you too felt when she punished you for interacting with her poorly. Punishment, I have found, is really a gift for which I am grateful as it helps me learn the way to serve my wife in a manner she enjoys. Her taking the time to punish me is effort by her I find I am grateful for her doing. The pain or discomfort is an extension of her authority over me.
-SH
SH,
DeleteI had some buddies over the other night and she corrected me in front of them once and I became instantly hard.
Punishment isn't something I've had much experience with yet. So far this first week, the worst punishment is just hearing disappointment in her voice.
I agree that punishment can be rewarding in the sense that you learn to better please your wife. While I look forward to that aspect, seeing the disappointment on her face or hearing it on her voice is crushing.
I can relate totally.
Deletetake care.
I can relate to the worry around not being texted back... I crave feedback and validation from my wife, especially when I am feeling very submissive to her via extended denial periods. In fact, I think that over a period of more than a few days, I become "needy" to the point that she might not enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI have suggested that she punish me for things like that, but nothing so far...but I am concerned about what I wish for ;-)
Lovetosubmit,
DeleteThanks for the comment.
This needy feeling that you and I both experience is new to me. I'm not usually the type that needs validation. Hopefully it's something I can grow to understand about myself and work around it.
Thankfully my wife understands my anxiety issues and forgives me for this event the other day.
What type of punishment do you think your wife could impose that would help you be less needy? For me, it's something I don't think I will be able to avoid feeling but can certainly avoid expressing it in an annoying manner.
About being needy and insecure...
ReplyDeletethat is very normal.
Many submissives end up being needy and insecure, especially in the beginning. For one you have made yourself vulnerable and given away certain aspects of your life for someone else to control. That is scary and it strips away part of you and leaves you wide open.
For another, submissives want to please and it can be easy to worry and wonder if you are pleasing enough.
Third, a submissive is normally horny and spending a lot of time thinking of how and when they will be used. They just can't help themselves. And all of that reminds them of the vulnerable place they put themselves in, and then the whole thing feeds itself and there you have it, a needy submissive.
I think that once a D/s or WLM is more established and the boundaries are much more clear and all is settled in nicely some of that needyness goes away or at least more minimal to where it is more controlled. the thing is, in the beginning you are finding your way in the dark...you don't know yet if you can count on her to be strict and firm enough, some submissives will test their Mistress' resolve on purpose to see how firm they will be with them.
This is all brand new. Once you see that she is serious (and it seems she is) and that you can count on her in this department and that she is pleased with you, it does get better. Even though it is a WLM, there are certain needs that both parties have going into it and it is only fair that both needs be met. Now on the submissive end to me that means that you should not be negelected...you should get some attention and your submission should be valued and appreciated. You may not get every need met like being horny and wanting to cum, or anything along those lines, but your basic need for even wanting the relationship should be met. In some cases it is not and then that can lead to real insecurities.
In Jay's previous relationship everything wasn't ideal and he was always insecure and many times neglected. To put it bluntly his dominants did not know the treasure they had. Most of his use was coming from me for months. Finally we made the change for him to be mine and in the 6 or so weeks he has been just mine, there has not been one day he has felt insecure because he knows I am strict, I am here, I care, and that was what he really needed.
So you and your wife are finding your way. Your dynamic may change 20 more times before you find the groove that works for both of you. So I say this needyness is normal and I wouldn't over think it right now, but try to tone it back a tad so you don't drive her nuts.