Saturday, March 3, 2012

Here we go...

So I registered on here to write this blog the same day my wife opened hers.  She had posted in explicit detail about our first day in our "wife led marriage".  We have different styles and giving the play by play just isn't mine.  What fun would that be anyway, we'd just post the same thing.  So, it took me 24 hours to finally get this first entry flowing onto the computer screen.

Tonight, we had a night out with family for our 4th anniversary but could not find a baby sitter for the night.  So our plans were cut a little short as far as the "after party" goes.  She is sound asleep next to me and while I'm exhausted myself, I feel it's my duty to keep pace with her in the "blogging" department, like I had promised I would.

Here I could go into detail about who am I, what it is that made me this way, the reasons behind our decision to pursue a wife led marriage but I plan on keeping this blog updated regularly and over time, I'll have a chance to discuss all of this.  So a quick summary will have to do for now. 

I am 29 years old, married for four years now with a 3 year old child.  My wife is 27 years old and the main bread winner for our household.  She has begun referring to my role as "house manager".  Honestly, I have little clue to what I am doing but I'm trying to learn and become efficient at it.  I served in the United States Marine Corps and met her when I was discharged (honorably) from the Marines during the Summer of 2005.  She has been the center of my universe since.

Outwardly to the world, I'm not a typical "submissive" male.  In fact, I'm quite the opposite.  Which oddly enough, is probably what attracted my wife to me in the first place.  My kinks and desire to be ultimately submissive to one female was something I began to pick up on myself when I was in my late teens.  The internet opened the world of "fetishes" to me and I found myself enthralled with various female domination themes.  My biggest kink initially was strapon porn.  I read some erotic femdom stories when I was about 16 and that sparked my interests in strapon sex.  The thought hadn't even crossed my mind till that point.

It was always a closet fetish, found myself often times deleting material or going to extensive lengths to keep it my little secret.  When things became serious between my wife, she began to discover my secret desires through awkward finds, browser & download histories and my meek explanations of her discoveries. 

Jump forward to the present.  Now in my current role as "house manager", which I'll be honest, I'm not excelling at.  It's difficult to maintain a 50/50 balance in our current relationship.  My wife is trying to appeal to my kinks, I've mentioned a desire to pursue a "wife led marriage" in the past.  I've even tried getting her to read literature on it to spark her interest.  Up until this point, our marriage has been vanilla.  Not that there is anything wrong with vanilla, the sex has always been amazing (for me).  I enjoy the "top" role as well but my intense desire to submit and my femdom kinks aren't going away.  I feel like she is my queen and under her direction, I can become a better man, husband and father.  I'm excited to see where our relationship will lead and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about finally getting some of what I've been fantasizing about for a really really long time.

18 comments:

  1. I can really relate to a lot of this. I discovered I was a kinky fuck when I was 22, right after I had married my best friend. I tried to hide it for a long time and enjoy stories and such...eventually trying to get my hubby to pursue some with me...but it was never his thing.

    He tried and it just wasn't us. I also went through several stages in the 14 years leading up to today where I would throw everything away and try to focus my attention else where and do anything to avoid my interest in bdsm, but it never worked. It just is a part of me.

    Finally I accepted that and realized that was not working, and I also realized my hubby would never be the one to have my bdsm self with, so after many years he did finally agree that I should seek it from others. That started the world of tasking and my relationship with Sam which has been going on for over three years. I do have my other blog linked on mine, but then Sam has had one health challenge after another, and I also met Jay almost a year and a half ago through the blogging community and we began a friendship that blossomed into more, and both sam and my hubby supported me in taking things to the next level with him.

    jay did have in person experiences, I did not, but you would have never known it once we got together in person. It takes a great deal of courage to admit to your spouse what you want and why you want it, and I admire your wife for being so open to trying to share this with you. Not everyone can and will do that, understandably so, but the important thing to remember is that while there are lots of fetishes and kinks out there, and hot fantasies, go at the pace that works for you two.

    I love to read and share in other's relationships even if the activities are not as hard core as what I may do, it is all about the realness of it for me.

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    1. Miss Christina- Ty for taking the time to share that with me. You do a very good job writing your blog(s), I enjoyed reading through them the past few days. My wife has been busy being back at work after a vacation but I had a minute or two to discuss your blog last night. Will be interesting conversation when she actually gets to read through some of it herself.

      Your last comment touches on something I'm struggling with internally. How much of my fantasies do I actually wish to come true? I trust my wife to push my limits slowly but it scares the crap out of me. My main fear is my wife losing respect for me. She's taken to a dominate role well, it's in her personality. We've had pretty much a "normal" relationship up to this point, minus some kinky play along the way here and there. The bottom line for me is we build on our marriage and the love gets stronger. It should be an interesting journey.

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    2. I can really understand your fear. It is hard to judge when it is time to push when much of what we may want has started out as just fantasies.

      When it comes to pushing further sometimes it may be something your wife wants, and in some ways that is easier to wrap your head around because if you know she wants it then as her submissive it is more than likely easier to consider giving it to her. If it is something that you start to think you have interest in it can be harder to ask her for it, but you should be open to discussing it with her.

      Ultimately a good Mistress will learn to gauge when you are ready, but that takes time and experience too. One thing that is very important after doing anything new, or pushing someone in a new way is communication afterwards. Aftercare isn't just touching, it is also mental and emotional.

      Sometimes things you both agree to try go great and sometimes not so much. My first time I tried to pee in the funnel for jay to drink it straight from me I couldn't go, I had never done that before, and as much as I wanted to I just could not pee in front of him like that. Then the next time I was able to stand over him in the tub and pee all over him with no issue.

      Here is a link to a post I wrote with a more hardcore play that jay and I shared. It isn't for everyone, but the main thing about it is how I handled the situation with him...how I reassured him even as I pushed him.

      http://creativeevilpixie.blogspot.com/2012/02/first-enema-humiliation-for-jay.html

      And then here is his take on it:

      http://creativeevilpixie.blogspot.com/2012/02/written-by-jay-his-perspective-on-enema.html

      I think part of being a good Mistress isn't perfection, no one is perfect and nothing goes perfectly, but if you are open and trusting and go at a pace that works for you I don't see why you can't try to have everything that could potentially be a reality. And even for jay and I some of those more extreme things are a smaller part of what we do.

      Feel free to email anytime if you need some insight or ideas.
      missc513 at gmail dot com

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    3. TY for sharing those links. Very powerful.

      Being new to this, humiliation intrigues me. I desire it but after, I must admit, I feel something lingering. It's not something that goes away as soon as play time ends.

      Today, my wife came home from work and had me prepare her toys for her. Before she began on herself, she instructed me to suck the dildo as I would want my cock sucked. There isn't another person on the planet that could get me to comply with that act. She looked like she got off on making me do it. It was an interesting experience.

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    4. You are welcome, I got side tracked earlier cause I was in a hurry. I wanted to address your concern for your wife losing respect for you.

      In my experience that is far from the case. She clearly would have a lot of respect for you already, she married you and has a child with you, and although submitting to her can leave you very vulnerable and exposed and practically wide open, I am confident she would not lose respect for you.

      Even though in a D/s or Fem Dom relationship the submissive needs to respect and worship his superior woman, I do believe that both parties need to have a certain degree of respect for each other.

      You read what to date has been the hardest act that Jay submitted to me during, the enema and shitting in that bucket, however, I would never have been able to push him to that place if I did not first respect him. Jay is my friend and a man I have a great deal of respect for on top of being my slave and lover. Despite however far we go as a Mistress and slave, it was him as a person that first attracted me. I would never play in person with someone I didn't already have strong feelings for, that is just how I am, so for me, to share any part of myself with someone in person I have to respect them.

      It may be hard to believe but even as Jay sat there totally completely humiliated for me shitting in that bucket, I still have the highest level of respect for him, perhaps even more than I had before.

      Again this is where communication comes. I was pushing him and I wanted to be sure he felt like in that moment when hot fantasies were by the wayside and something that intense was really happening in person that he felt safe with me. That is why I unclipped his leash and made him look me in the eyes at the last minute, to be sure there wasn't a serious changing of his mind at the last minute. If he had been a basket case at that point I would have handled the situation differently.

      I can imagine how you felt there sucking the dildo. Very humiliating, and you are right, you would not do that for anyone else...you will find it amazing the depths you will grow to serve her if she wishes something.

      Right now you can't see drinking her pee but one day you may come to crave it and worship her for the chance to have it. You just never know.

      When Jay was tasking for me and we were growing together before I even agreed to be with him in person he found himself letting go of things that used to be limits to him because he found the place and person where it made sense to surrender more control...and as you two grow together the relationship will grow and change too. that is the fun part!

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    5. Miss Christina,

      Well said! I appreciate the advice and thankful to have found such intelligent bloggers on here, willing to share their experiences and offer advice. I wasn't sure what to expect. I am pleasantly surprised.

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  2. Mr. HK,

    we have two children (11 & 6). My wife is a school teacher and I am in the computer industry.

    Thank you for taking the time to blog.

    -SH

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    1. SH, ty for reading.

      Your blog is outstanding. I've been reading through it the past few days. Your most recent post "Permanent Male Chastity" is dead on.

      The concept of chastity is turn on for me because I have a very difficult time staying away from porn. For the past 2 days, my wife's been working long hours and we are on the honor system. It's a battle. While I have remained a "master of my domain", I could only imagine how much more I would get done if I didn't have to constantly make the choice myself.

      Ty for all of the very good reads on your blog. Very intelligent and thought out stuff.

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  3. Where does your wife publish?

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    1. My wife posts @ http://reversemarriage.blogspot.com/

      She's a far better writer then me. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. Mr. HK,

    Why thank you. That is a nice comment. I too am outwardly overtly masculine. Me and my PS3/Skyrim are great friends. I love to use my chipper, chain saw, and table saw when the opportunity presents itself.

    As far as chastity goes, it was a difficult spat early on in our WLM transition for me. To be honest, I could not maintain an honor system more than ten days typically and three weeks was the extreme upper limit. Some men can. Sadly, I am not one of them. To remain chaste, I need a device, which my wife graciously holds the key to. It scared me that my wife may require me to remain chaste for long durations, but my opinion has changed once I went into the rabbit hole. I can not really speak to you well why from the other side, but simply leave it to you and your wife to decide what is best for you.

    I have found that when I cross the three week mark, there is a pronounced noticeable difference. The pattern is repeatable. As such, I find to be kept chaste more than three weeks is in my wife’s best interest. She agrees.

    -SH

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  5. OMG, I would love to be directed into a position to be under my wife while she pees and told to swallow. So hot..

    ouch...

    Okay, back to cooking dinner. Children hungry. Gota go.

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  6. SH, I know it is very hot. Just started following your blog again, I remember at one point it was shut down and you weren't allowed to make comments or anything.

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  7. that was about a year and a half ago. Been open for business since.

    WB, mistress.

    I eat salad each night. I asked my wife to pee into the salad dressing that I am the only one who uses it. So we can have a moment each night at dinner. She thought about it, but decided 'no'.

    -SH

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  8. SH, what is it about putting her pee on your salad that does it for you? It's not something I could ever see myself doing willingly. Interested in what does it for you. Is it humiliation? or something else?

    As far drinking urine, call me wacky but I'd at least insist on not drinking the initial spray. The urethra is full of bacteria but the initial stream clears most of that out.

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    1. fyi- the urethra is not full of bacteria unless of course you have an active uti.

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    2. Mr. HK,

      I am sorry if I spooked you. It was not my intention. The ‘golden shower’ is a surprisingly common act. Your wife is correct. There is no harm in drinking urine. Mr. Young Husband has to drink glasses full while sitting at a table with his wife. Some men get just peed on, but do not get told to drink.

      My wife is a very active exerciser. She has a trainer. When she is done, she has me remove her sweating clothing to put into the hamper and I also kiss her feet. I have a reoccurring fantasy to have her bring me into the shower after and have her pee in my face, telling me to open and swallow during the process. The salad dressing idea was one that since it would be refrigerated, it would be free of bacteria and safe. The survivalist Bear Grylls, occasional drinks his on pee as a survival method. It is safe to drink.

      As far as why, yes, you are correct. It is a humiliation thing. It would be a way my wife could hold me in distain and being humiliated by her is something I find I strangely crave. She has a hard time doing so, so when she does, it is a treat she gives me. The pee in the salad dressing was outside her comfort zone though.

      Again, sorry if I spooked you. I do tend to be overly honest in my blogging. As you suggested is a goal of yours. The exercise of self discovery is a major part of bloging. Putting into words what is honestly going though my brain is a form of ‘mental yoga’ I do in order to vet and analyze thoughts I am having. I find the process therapeutic.

      Sincerely.

      -SH

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  9. SH,

    No need to apologize, I wasn't spooked. Since discovering "blogs" earlier this week, I've read a lot about fetishes and desires that I personally don't relate to. I find it interesting learning what causes each individual to desire those forms of domination/submission. My wife and I are open minded and non-judgmental. We had a in-depth conversation on this topic last night.

    I appreciate your insight and honesty on the subject.

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